Starting Over: 4 Ways to Reclaim Your Life After Divorce

I'll start by saying that personally I never wanted to be a divorced woman, especially a divorced woman with a small child. Most of the time, I don't think anyone gets married and hopes that things end.

Unfortunately, divorce is just a common result of a marriage union these days. It truly breaks my heart to see such brokenness in people and their relationships. I know that we all want joy, passion, stability, excitement, and peace in our lives. Divorce, whatever reason(s) brought you to this outcome, causes deep cuts and you are left to rebuild your life. Even if it is truly for the best, it still leaves scars.

So, are you starting over? I have a previous blog post for women preparing for a divorce, but how do you reclaim your life after?

Here are 4 ways to reclaim your life after divorce:

1. Fall in love with yourself

2. Get your hands dirty and deal with your shortcomings

3. Deal with your money (and money blocks) wisely 

4. Find community that supports you.

Let's dive into these 4 ways to help you start over after a divorce a little deeper.

Fall in Love with Yourself. It can be really damaging to have a marriage end. I know I felt very unwanted, undesired, and unloveable after my ex-husband ended our marriage. In order to move forward, you have to fall in love with yourself. Reclaim your self-worth outside of a relationship and do the work to uncover the parts of you that need to learn to love and ignite again. I was with my ex for 7 years, married for just short of 5 years, and there was a lot of beliefs I had about myself that needed to be undone and changed. I had to reset my mindset. Reset my internal voice. Speak worth and value over myself. Recognize that I was not damaged goods and God created me with worth, value, and purpose. Divorce didn't change that. Pursue your passions, do things that bring you joy, take yourself on 'dates', and love the person you are and will become.

Get your hands dirty and deal with your shortcomings. I hate to break it to you, but there are things about you that probably need to changed or worked on in order to have healthy relationships and strong mental resilience. Go to therapy. Journal. Do the hard work so you can reap the reward later. You will let go of so much and find so much peace in facing things that need to be dealt with head-on, from a place of self-worth and love. You owe it to yourself to work through your shortcomings so you can bloom into the best version of yourself and attract someone (if that is your desire) who will be a great match and help you grow further.

Deal with your money (and money blocks) wisely. It is really tempting to either eat our feelings or spend on our feelings. As someone who has done both, I advice against it. You will end up more stressed and continue down this downhill spiral. Money beliefs are deep-seated and oftentimes the cause of a divorce. Just like you will put the work into dealing with your scars, demons, and negative self-beliefs, I encourage you to approach money the same way. Especially if you have children or you were not the high-income earner or an earner at all, money is essential to feed, clothe, and shelter ourselves and family. Dig into how you feel about money, why, and what you can do to avoid being in a place of constant survival mode, to thriving. What we resist persists and what we focus on expands. Either join a masterclass, work with your therapist or coach, or (really AND) read all the books you can on money mindset. The LOVE of money is evil, money itself is neutral. It is okay to make money, need to make more money, and to learn how to handle money wisely.

Find community that supports you. Divorce is really isolating, even though it is so common, and I encourage you to find one or few women who are currently IN it or have very recently gone through it. The feelings are raw and the changes in life are overwhelming, having someone to talk to, understand you, and empathize is life giving. It can be difficult to find, I am here for you! There are facebook groups, there are community groups, but find people who don't just complain and bring you down. Find a group that uplifts you, encourages you to press-on, lets you vent when necessary, but wants you to succeed in life.

The key take away here is that: you are valuable, you are worthy of love, you are responsible for your growth and change of circumstances.

Divorce sucks, but the most powerful thing I did was OWN my chapter. Own my life. Own my responsibility in the divorce and I worked hard to evolve.

I believe in you. I know good things are ahead for you.