You will keep hitting 'bottom' until you learn the lesson
Surrender is the ultimate gift
Bring darkness to light
Abundance is a present state, not a future hope
Diamonds are made from intense pressure
Asking for help doesn't make you weak
A baby step forward is still a step forward
In the last 3 years, I have experienced 3 of the top 5 most stressful life events. Divorce, moving (3 different places, one cross country move), and job loss. I also had a baby and came face to face with childhood trauma I never processed or worked through. Oh and debt, lots of debt.
My life was turned on it's head.
Honestly, there were many moments, days, weeks, and months, where I just didn't think I would ever feel better. I felt stuck in this downward spiral between desiring for better, but feeling pressed down by my own thoughts, fears, and navigating the changes of life in rapid fire.
It took a lot of prayer, therapy, and learning to get to the place I am in now. It was painful, but freeing work. (and I am still growing and digging deeper) I learned a lot about mindset, the power of thoughts, where my self-beliefs came from, and why I felt like I was stuck in this cycle of life repeating itself.
On the other side of the valleys, slowly bringing my head up and above the water, I am able to now reflect on what I have learned. I fully believe that God uses our lives for a greater purpose and I am grateful for every experience because it allows me to help and encourage other women to not give up or lose hope.
7 Lessons I learned from rock bottom:
You will keep hitting 'bottom' until you learn the lesson.
This was the most recent 'lesson' I learned. God will keep sending things your way that may lead to the same feelings or reactions or outcomes until we stop and ask "God what are you trying to teach me?" "What is it that I need to let go of, reshape, or do different?" "What am I holding onto, that I refuse to let go, that I need to?"
Until we learn the lesson, we will be given a lot of opportunities to do so. So ask yourself if you are seeing a patten..."what am I needing to learn?"
I am stubborn and learn best when I have every bit of control taken from me, however, that is a very exhausting way to learn and sometimes, scary haha.
Which leads to the next lesson I learned...
Surrender is the ultimate gift
It feels counter-intuitive, but TRULY letting go, not giving in and giving up, but as I like to say "going palms down". Meaning, when we bring things before God, we might be presenting it to him with our hands open, but up. Meaning, we are still holding on and trying to control.
A phrase I repeat to myself a lot is, "give it, palms down". Overly worrying, thinking about it constantly, obsessive thoughts, and trying to control....none of these things will prove fruitful, helpful, or impactful.
There is a difference between 'giving up' and 'surrender'. Well, the words are interchangeable, but I do feel that when we willingly surrender vs just say "screw it I give up" is different. I surrender to not demanding things go "my way" but rather, whatever is meant to happen, will and I just need to be open to any possible outcome. Sometimes, we have to let go of our plans to enable something better to come along.
Bring darkness to light
Unpopular opinion but, owning our mistakes, need for help, change, growth, and accountability is the most freeing thing you can do. Once the dark parts of ourselves are brought to light, the initial pain is intense, but it can't be dark anymore. In light, we find healing, hope, renewal, a way forward, support, and peace.
It is really difficult for me to ask for help, to admit defeat, and to talk about my struggles from a place of genuine vulnerability. This last season, I have been forced to confront this issue. To ask for help. To raise my hand and say how I really feel and what I really need.
I have found a lot of peace in doing so. I don't feel like I am hiding parts of myself. I don't feel like I am keeping 'secrets'. In humility, I am simply just being honest with myself and what I really need.
Abundance is a present state, not a future hope
We all want abundance. More _____ (fill in the blank). It could be love, money, material things, children, friendships, work opportunities, etc. And sometimes, the desire for 'more' is usually tied to the thinking that if I had more ____ then I would be ____. If I had more money, I would be less stressed. If I have a bigger house, I would be happier. If I have a better marriage, I would be a nicer wife.
Whatever it is, the reality of those kinds of thoughts is, your 'happiness' is not possible until a future condition is met. What if that condition never happens? What if it is never met?
If we adopt the mindset that contentment can be found in the present, current moment, we will continue to attract abundance, joy, and peace. If you cannot be content in your current condition (does not mean you just roll over and say okay, I won't strive to change anything or make it better), you will find that this need for more or different will continue to follow you. (abuse, harm, etc...not saying you need to just be okay with those conditions and those need to be addressed immediately)
But finding peace and contentment in the now, enables us to move into an abundance mindset.
Diamonds are made from intense pressure
The stresses of a situation, difficulty, hardship...all have the potential to produce in us diamond character. We are refined in the fire and the impurities come up and can be swept away. God uses difficult situations to shape our character, help us work through parts of ourselves that need to grow and evolve, and beauty rises from the ashes.
A butterfly painstakingly pushes itself from it's cocoon. Diamonds are made from intense pressure. Darkness of the night is broken by the first rays of the sun.
My darkest seasons have shaped me to be more steadfast, empathetic, patient, and still. I have learned humility, joy, and how to ask for help. I have learned that nothing can break me, it just shapes me into a better version of myself.
Asking for help doesn't make you weak
Great segue into my next point...ask for help. A lot of us don't ask for help out of shame, pride, fear, or any other reason.
This goes back to bringing things out of the dark and into the light. Ask for help, be honest with yourself and with those you trust. I promise you that hiding it is far worse and more stressful than owning it and getting help.
I have had help from unexpected places and I felt more peace and calm after asking than I did before, even if nothing drastically changed.
Don't underestimate people's desire to help or care for you. Some might not help, but others might! You are not weak for needing help or other people. We are called to bear one another's burdens.
A baby step forward is still a step forward
At the end of the day, one small step forward is worthy of celebrating. A step forward, no matter how small or how grand, is still momentum producing. We cannot get out of our situation if we just sit in it.
Asking for help, changing a small habit, working on your mindset, therapy, applying for the job or opportunity, getting dressed...whatever it might be...slow progress is STILL progress.
We often want to rush the process, jump straight to the end, skip the pain, skip the unknown, and get right to something we think is best.
It is on the path we learn, grow, discover, and evolve.
Trust me, I understand how painful, lonely, dark, and scary the path forward can be, but I know that moving towards my purpose and desires will always lead to something great.
The lessons I have learned from rock bottom have been painful, but I know that they are and always will be worth learning.
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